Before we get there, let me start with a true story, World stats show men are more prone to committing suicide. Research shows it’s because they don’t seek help, when in need and bottle up feelings, Majorly due to hegemonic masculinity. Men assume that showing vulnerabilities makes them less manly / more womanly and displays you weaker. Which further indicates being 'Feminine' for men is conceived as an insult, whereas being masculine for women comes out as a compliment or respect.
Hence in our society when one cries it is considered weak and a sympathy seeking and more 'feminine' act whereas letting tears out has been scientifically proven to be cathartic and a stronger trait indicating you are comfortable with the display of vulnerability to others.
Definition of Tears vary in different social contexts, e.g., tearful men in a happy or glorious construct creates a positive narrative but in adversities men with tears are perceived weak or unmanly. Notice, Replacing men with women in both the social constructs doesn’t make much of a difference. Though Darwin concluded tears are a very human and very sociable act, our society concludes it is socially awkward or less-interesting and further makes you less likely-to-be-happening and less engaged in the social circle.
Further, top suicide rate reasons are, family crisis and partner/marriage issues. Both are social triggers related reasons. And men not being able to withstand the side effects of these social situations resort to self kill.
World data also shows Even though women have a higher rate of depression diagnosis, they are more likely to commit non-fatal attempted suicides. Men are most prone to develop a drug or alcohol dependence yet these coping mechanisms don’t help rather trigger impulsive actions. Alcoholism aids suicides. Such differences are recognised as gender paradox in suicide.
Now let’s talk about India.
India ranks 41st in global suicide rates. Where all over the globe 77% suicides are men, India ranks 77th in men suicides but ranks 7th highest in the world in female suicides. More than a third of female suicides in the world are indian women. So across the world where women contribute to non-fatal suicide attempts in comparison to men, Indian men and women have shown resorting to equally fatal suicide attempts. Scholars speculate that these suicides may be related to a conflict between Indian women’s increasing education, ambition and empowerment and the persistence and rigidity of their lower status in Indian society. Data suggests higher Suicide rates in southern Indian states is directly proportional to accelerating development and social advances.
So when Indira Nooyi quoted 'women cannot have it all' maybe we all forgot to take the side note 'Indians will not let Indian women have it all’.
What are my 2 cents here? Well, first let’s make “Tears healthy and normal” and this would be feasible by ensuring psychological safety at home and in every social circle. You may be the receiver or aggrieved, either way allow disclosure of vulnerabilities by providing adequate psychological safety, be it at work or at home. Stop asking people not to cry. Darwin suggested Humans sometimes resort to crying to demand attention and as a persuasion technique. Such persuasion is rudimentary and primitive, tears get easily devalued due to such tactics. Where we can be rightly persuasive if logic and rationality boxes are ticked. So let’s keep tears only to emote, while it cannot ensure prevention of suicides but definitely you will make deeper connections and when you will be in need you won’t be standing alone and will be heard.
Note — Self harm is not an effective answer to adversities. If you have suicidal thoughts please seek help.
No comments:
Post a Comment